What better gift is there than love? I can’t name a single thing on this earth that makes me feel better than giving and receiving love. As a Christmas gift to all who read this blog, I want to share a book that has made a significant impact on my life: The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.
A few years ago, Damon and I each read this book, which explains that there are five key ways to show love:
1. Words of Affirmation,
2. Quality Time,
3. Receiving Gifts,
4. Acts of Service, and
5. Physical Touch.
While reading this book, we were able to make the following discoveries:
1. Both of us have one or more ways in which we need to be shown love.
2. Neither of us understood what our primary love language was before reading this book.
3. In order to help our love survive the test of time, we need to know the best way to show each other love.
After reading this book, Damon and I shared our thoughts regarding which language we found to be our “primary” love language. Interestingly enough, we had different opinions regarding what the other’s “primary” love language would be. We found that it was difficult to choose just one, and both of us realized the importance of each love language.
I loved Damon before reading this book, but I now know how to show him love in his language. In turn, Damon has learned how to show me love. Thus, our love grows stronger and stronger with each passing day.
Because this book has brought us so much joy, I really wanted to pay it forward and share what we have learned with others. No matter how long you have been with your spouse, it is never too late to learn each other’s love languages. If you’re not sure what your language is, look first at how you show love to others. Generally, the way you show love, is the primary way you need to receive it.
Please don’t think this information is limited to “couples”. Learning the love languages of friends and family can help those relationships grow as well.
The following are examples of ways Damon and I show each other love in each language. You may find it sappy, but that’s okay because we are truly happy.
P.S. Please feel free to use any and all of these ideas!
Words of Affirmation
· Cards & Love Notes – Over the years, we’ve shared countless cards and love notes. When we were dating, I’d sometimes find cards from Damon on the hood of my car. Now, I like to mail him cards because it’s really fun to find something besides junk mail and bills in the mailbox. If writing love notes is not your forte, don’t sweat! You’ll find great little books of “love notes” near the greeting cards at stores like Walgreen’s. “Stuck On You Love Notes” is a favorite of mine. I may stick a note on the bathroom mirror, the computer monitor, or his alarm clock. It’s a fun little surprise, and it’s a great way to remind your spouse that you’re thinking of him/her even when apart. (http://www.andrewsmcmeel.com/products/?isbn=0740768689)
· Three Little Words – “I love you.” is a sentence I can’t hear enough. We never leave the house, hang up the phone, or go to bed without exchanging these words. If we recorded a day in our home and played it back, I bet we’d hear this sentence 100’s of times. I hope this turns out to be Michael’s favorite sentence too! Until he can speak, Michael says, “I love you.” in his own precious way.
· “Thank You.” – I love to cook for my family, and I especially like seeing my husband enjoy the meal I’ve prepared for him. My heart smiles every time I hear, “Thank you; that was great.” If your spouse feels appreciated, he/she will feel loved too. So, say “thank you” when your spouse takes you to dinner, say it when he/she does the dishes or laundry, say it when your spouse cleans the house, say it when he/she watches the kids, say it when he/she gets home from a hard day at the office, say it, say it, say it!
· Genuine Compliments - Normally, compliments make me feel kind of uncomfortable. However, I love when Damon compliments me because I know what he’s saying is coming from a good place, a place of love. Working these words (or similar ones) into your conversations can make your spouse feel wonderful:
Ø Beautiful or Handsome
Ø Strong
Ø Kind
Ø Fun
Ø Intelligent
Ø Sweet
Ø Funny
Ø Hard Working
Ø Sexy
Ø Great Wife or Terrific Husband
Ø Wonderful Mom or Fabulous Dad
Ø Best Friend
Quality Time
· Activities – We love to go to the batting cages and to the park. We spent endless hours walking together this Summer and Fall. We have great conversation, talking about our day, our future, our dreams, etc. Sorry, going to a movie doesn’t count unless you’re watching it at home where you can cuddle!
· Dinner – Family dinner at the table with no television is a great way to catch up and to chat about sports, daily news, work, kids, etc. Plus, it’s a great chance to share some Words of Affirmation too!
· Pillow Talk – With busy schedules, there are some days that we really don’t get to talk until it’s time for bed. Even though we’re tired, we take the time to chat because we know that some of our best conversations occur during pillow talk. This is a great time for Words of Affirmation as well. Great pillow talk sweetens the idea of growing old on one pillow.
Receiving Gifts
· Make it Count – Financially, it’s been a rough year for many Americans. If you are in a position to purchase a gift, make sure you’ve done the leg work to find out what your spouse wants/needs/likes. Asking a friend or relative may be helpful, BUT asking for hints or, better yet, asking directly is likely the best way to ensure your partner will love his/her gift. Remember, you don’t have to spend a lot of money on gifts. I love it when Damon brings home fresh flowers, which you can find for under $10 at most supermarkets. The best gift I ever gave Damon took a lot of time to coordinate, but only cost the price of a football. Last year, I coordinated with one of Damon’s friends who worked at Notre Dame so I could give him a football autographed by Golden Tate. (For those who don’t keep up with college football, Tate is a Nashville, TN native who won the Biletnikoff Award for nation's top receiver.) All it took was a few e-mails and phone calls and making sure to get the ball (and golden pen) into our friend’s hand. A couple months later, Damon’s eyes lit up at his birthday gift! Don’t forget: a card can be a gift too! One of my favorite gifts from Damon was a homemade card.
· Gifts that Don’t Cost a Cent – Since Michael was born, I’ve come to really appreciate Gifts of Personal Time. Damon will watch the baby while I take a bath, spend time on the computer, scrapbook, get a massage, shop, etc. Although I love spending my days with my son, I need to have a little alone time now and then. Gifts of Personal Time have done wonders for my energy level and probably my sanity too.
Acts of Service
· Keep it Simple – Although I’d love to rope the moon for my sweet husband, I know that’s not realistic. We can show each other love by making each other’s life easier. Here’s a list of simple acts which show love:
Ø Pick up his/her mess and don’t complain about it. There’s no “love” in complaining.
Ø Do the dishes, laundry, and general housekeeping. Helping around the house benefits the whole family. The “gift” is that your spouse doesn’t have to do these things if you take care of them.
Ø If your spouse is at work and realizes he/she forgot something, take it to him/her without complaint. Everyone needs a little help sometimes, and who better to lovingly help than your spouse.
Ø If you are able to, lend a hand with home maintenance, car maintenance, and child maintenance. This is one of my favorites. I installed new thermostats for Damon after he bought his (now “our”) house. He loved them, and they reduced the electric bills. Also, I think it’s so sweet and helpful when Damon takes my car for an oil change or fills it up with gas. These simple things go a long way.
Physical Touch –
· Intimacy – This is a touchy one. (Pun intended.) So I’m just going to quote from The 5 Love Languages website:
“This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.”
For more information on The 5 Love Languages go to - http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-five-love-languages/.
